I love to discuss leadership. It is a concept that can literally cross every barrier and function in the context of all areas of life. Leadership is important and interesting. Leadership is influence. It leads people to a place of trust that allows them to help them reach for and achieve their potential. All while helping them bring their potential to bear on others’ potential and share the weight of a corporate, mutual vision that can be accomplished together.
The thing about leadership is it can be misunderstood and misconstrued. Many confuse it with management, and still others with position and coercion. I think the biggest mistake we make with leadership is that we see it as some technique to succeed. Don’t get me wrong, it takes real leadership to be truly successful, but it is so much more than that.
We treat it as some formula. Even most of the experts who write about it put it in a context that seems very simplistic. If you do A, B. C., You will definitely get D. However, it rarely works that way. Leadership is a function of life, and life is messy. Life doesn’t happen in a vacuum, and neither does leadership. It can be messy and difficult. That is the atmosphere in which leadership is the most effective. Because, at its core, leadership is problem-solving. It is a person who can influence toward solutions, success, and, most importantly, significance.
Which leads me to my thoughts today. If there ever was a lab for leadership, it is parenting. Parenting is leadership. It starts as positional leadership; you’re the parent, they’re the child, but it quickly becomes real, authentic leadership. More than anything, it requires a major amount of influence. I want to talk about this today because I believe this is a major problem in our society. Things have gotten out of order. A lot is being blamed on the young, but I contend that we can not blame the young for what we have trained them to be.
- Some of this has been just an abdication of real parenting.
- Some because of dysfunction in our own relationships.
- Some have been over-concentrated on centeredness around them because of guilt.
- Some have just been neglecting our role.
- Much of it is just a total distraction and an attempt to fix it with even more distraction.
In effect, it is just a lack of good leadership. So, let’s contrast average parenting to Leadership parenting and see what we can learn.
Average parenting encourages a good education, leadership- parenting encourages a habit of thinking.
- There is a difference between getting an education and learning to think. There are so many philosophies and methodologies for educating a child in our world today. Don’t get me wrong, I believe education is vital. I live on continual education. However, if we fail to teach our kids how to think, education will only push them towards groupthink.
- The best thing for them and for our society is to teach them how to process, how to push all the screens away, and how to think deeply about a subject. They should actually have their own thoughts and be able to discuss and defend their positions.
Average parents are highly involved in the life of their children. Leader-Parents allow their children to be highly involved in their lives.
- Being kid-centric is a huge mistake. It is not good for them or you.
- We need to support and encourage them in their passions and activities (that have been discussed and approved, not just allowed)
- However, it shouldn’t stop there. Leaders are aware that some principles and qualities in life are caught as much as they are taught. So, let them enter your world. Let them sit at the table when you are conversing with your friends. Let them know when you are solving a problem, and yes, especially if they hear you arguing with your spouse, let them see the resolve. This is within reason, of course, but you can’t be a model for your kids if they never see you in your setting.
Average parents have active children. Leader parents teach their children to focus on priorities, & choose appropriate activities
- This has never been more necessary. Just because your kid’s friends are doing something doesn’t mean they should.
- Just because they want to do something doesn’t mean that they should.
- With all the activities available today, this is a great opportunity to teach our kids how to schedule priorities, not fill calendars.
- Successful and significant people do not fill their lives with constant unimportant activities, yet we are training our kids to believe this is the way to live.
- Some of our kids will grow up with no sense of priority, and they will be discontent because they can’t do everything in real life. They have created a habit of nonstop action, and any real, and dare I say good life, will feel boring to them.
- Use this issue to build decision-making and prioritizing into the life of your kids.
Average parents care for their children. Leader-parents lead their children because they care.
- Yes, there is a difference. The difference is the definition of the word care. Care in a lot, not all, but a lot of parenting means “make them happy.” However, that is not what it means.
- Parenting means caring for their needs. Don’t neglect them. Most importantly, I love them.
- Many parents today are breaking their budgets, blowing out any kind of margin in their lives, especially time, just to “Care” and Make their kids happy, but they are missing the true point and purpose of care.
- Leader- Parents understand that it is better to lead their children to a place of purpose and passion for life than to allow whatever, whenever, whoever, and however they want just to keep them happy.
- Also, Leader-Parents care enough to involve them in the process of understanding how to make good decisions, how to be content in life, how to pursue goals if you want or need more, and that lessons like responsibility and frugality are beneficial in real life, which at some point they will experience the need for.
- It’s the old principle “Begin with the end in mind”. What do you want your child’s life to be like when they are an adult? Do what is necessary in your parenting to help them get there.
- Many of our kids today are getting slapped in the face with reality because they have been living on Fantasy Island (showing my age).
Average parents are liked by their kids. Leader parents are first respected and ultimately liked by their kids.
- YOU ARE NOT YOUR KIDS FRIEND. NOT ONLY.
- As a 51-year-old man with two grown kids, let me tell you, buddying up with them doesn’t work. Be their parent first, then their friend.
- My girls frequently thank me for things that were hard when they were happening but have made for a much better life for them now. Had I not cared enough to be disciplined and not give in to the pressure of my kids “liking” me, I would be facing the reality of them actually not liking me.”
- If you or I choose not to lead as parents and instead be buddies with our kids, not requiring things they need for personal growth, then you may have a teenage buddy, but you will end up with an adult who truly resents you.
Average parents know about their children’s friends. Leader parents know their children’s friends.
- Huge, Huge, Huge.
- Don’t think because you know about their friends, you know their friends.
- Don’t take the attitude that it doesn’t matter.
- Ask any parent who has watched their kids life go down the drain simply because of their associations, they will be the first to tell you…IT MATTERS!
- Bring their friends close to you. Find ways to be in setting with your kids and their friends in a way that allows for an appropriate relationship to form.
- Ask your kids questions about their friends.
- Teach them how to make good decisions when it comes to the people who are going to be close to them.
- In todays world it is likely that your kid, and or their friends are going to need your intervention at some point, and you will not know what to do unless you know them.
- Lead, you aren’t one of them, you aren’t going to be one of the team, and the worst thing you could do is be embarrassing to your kids.
- All I am saying is, get to know their friends and help them navigate those relationships
Average parents support their children in their activities. Leader parents help their children discover their purpose and lead them towards it.
- We have already talked about over activity so I want bother with that here.
- I want to clarify this statement, I am not saying to put pressure on your kids for what you think their purpose is.
- I am saying, help them learn how to think about their future, and about what will be meaningful to them. About what makes a difference and then help them find things that they can do that develops their strengths and reveals their weaknesses.
- This will point them in the direction of their future purpose and it will be a natural process instead of a drudgery and mistake like going to school for 4 years and it be a waste.
Average parents set expectations for their kids. Leader parents set expectations and then inspect to see if they are being met.
- Im not saying be a helicopter parent. You don’t need to be a pilot to be a parent.
- I am saying humans have a tendency to follow through with things they know they will actually be held accountable for.
- Expect AND Inspect.
Average parents love(care for) their kids. Leader parents teach their kids how to love.
- Love for this generation has been redefined.
- As leader Parents we have to take it back.
- One way to teach our kids how to love is to love our spouse.
- But also we need to talk about love with them, and help them find ways to put it into practice.
- Love is simply caring for others more than for self. It means to not be selfish. This is hard because we have trained ourselves and them to be selfish, so teaching them to love is virtually going to mean to un-train, and retrain them.
- Successful future relationships will depend on this. Help them out. Show them the way. Teach and train them how, and find ways to help them practice.
- Whatever you do, do not let our society, holly wood, or their peers teach them the meaning of love, because they will learn something that is false, and it can wreck their future.
So today choose to use leadership for your family. Be a Leader-Parent, and watch the results in your kids. They will love you for it!
