LEADER: DO YOU TRUST YOU?

BIG QUESTION:  Do You Trust You?

It doesn’t surprise us as leaders that we must have the trust of the people who follow us to influence them. When asked what they want in a leader, most people will say something about “integrity.” They want honesty, sincerity, and authenticity. We know that leadership is influence, and they must trust us to influence others.

“Trust is the glue of life. It’s the most essential ingredient in effective communication. It’s the foundational principle that holds all relationships.”

                                                                                        – STEPHEN R. COVEY

Our culture and society seem to continually preach that we must do “whatever it takes”  to succeed. Which in modern terms means lie, cheat, steal, and manipulate. However, this kind of success leads to significant problems, including a culture of distrust and, worse, possible jail time. It just doesn’t work long-term and isn’t a real success. No matter what they have experienced, people still want their leaders to be honest. They want their leaders to be credible.

HOW DO WE BECOME CREDIBLE TO THOSE WHO FOLLOW US?

Know the Characteristics of Credibility:

1.  Honesty – Tell the truth. It’s not partial truth. Not a “version” of the truth. The actual upfront fact. When we are consistently honest, it gives us credibility, which leads to the following characteristics of credibility.

2. Consistency – Be consistent. Let your words and your actions match. Be the same person in every situation. Be able to be counted on.

3. Accountability – Surround yourself with wise counsel and make yourself accountable to them. Anyone who is honest and has pure motives is not afraid or averse to responsibility; they welcome it.

I think we all know this as leaders. We don’t want to follow a manipulator, cheater, or liar. We want to follow someone we can, with good conscience, believe in.

The Big question today, however, is…

DO YOU TRUST YOU?

You may ask, “Why does that matter?”  It matters because before you can lead someone else, you have to be able to teach yourself, and if you don’t trust yourself, then why should anyone else?

I work with people who often try to reach or attain goals but get stuck for whatever reason. One reason they may not consciously realize it is that they don’t trust themselves.

Example of trust:  If you were trying to coach someone, and you set up an appointment to meet them at a coffee shop, and they show up, but you don’t the first time, they will likely assume the best and think, “something must have happened, they wouldn’t have just not shown up.”  So you realize you forgot, and you call them and say, “I am so sorry, it won’t happen again. Can we set another appointment?”  They say, “Sure.”  So you make another appointment, but you forget again, and they are stood up again. Now they’re wondering, does this guy care? You set another, miss another, and it’s not worth it. They stop showing up because you have made it abundantly clear…YOU ARE NOT TRUSTWORTHY.

I give that as an example because we have all experienced someone who can’t be trusted. They can’t be counted on. It is one of the more frustrating things in working with people. You want to give people the benefit of the doubt, but burn me once, shame on you; burn me twice, shame on me.

So, if being inconsistent and regularly not showing up puts others in a position where they can’t trust you, wouldn’t that same kind of behavior work the same way with you?

How often do we find ourselves setting goals and then not achieving them? It’s like making an appointment with yourself and not showing up. We’ve all done this from time to time. For example, if you’re trying to lose a certain amount of weight and plan to exercise and eat a certain way, but you get distracted or stressed, you default to old habits. Isn’t that the same as not showing up? So, what happens if you stop trusting yourself? You get in that downward spiral of distrust. You become hopeless because you have a pattern of not being trustworthy with yourself. You come to a point where you set a goal, and it doesn’t take long before you say in your mind, I want that goal, but I know I’m not going to do what is necessary.

Many of us are stuck, not reaching our potential simply because we don’t trust ourselves to do it. This may sound wild because you are not charging or breaking your trust.   But why would it be any different than it is with others? It’s the way we work.

SO, HOW DO WE REGAIN OUR TRUST?

1.  Be Honest – Be accurate and precise about where you are and where you would like to be.

2. Set Goals – not gigantic outcome goals but small bite-size daily goals. Input goals. Most of the time, we can’t control outcomes, but we can control inputs.

3. Daily act – Do something every day to achieve a win. Accomplish a small goal that relates to your more extensive plan.

4. Celebrate the win – Take a moment and celebrate what you accomplished. No matter how small, you are regaining trust with yourself. You showed up, and you did it.

5. Daily move forward – acknowledge past failures, learn from them, and MOVE FOREWORD.

Before long, you will find your confidence building. You will realize that you keep your word and can achieve your goals. You can play to your full potential. You can reach your goals, no matter how lofty, if you give yourself a reason to trust yourself and then do it.

Daily wins equal weekly wins, similar monthly and yearly wins that turn into a lifetime of victory. SO THE QUESTION IS:  DO YOU TRUST YOU?